Get The Other Person Saying “Yes, Yes”

In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing — and keep on emphasizing — the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing if possible that you both striving for the same and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.

Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” at the onset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No”.

A “No” response is the most difficult handicap to overcome. When you said “No”, all your pride demands that you remain consistent with yourself. You may later feel that the “No” was ill-advised, nevertheless, there is your precious pride to consider. Once having said a thing, you feel you must stick to it. Hence, it is of the very greatest importance that a person is started in the affirmative direction.

The skillful speaker gets, at the onset, a number of “yes” responses. This set the psychological process of the listeners moving in the affirmative direction. It is like the movement of a billiard ball. Propel in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it, far more force to send it back in the opposite direction. 

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When a person says “No” and really means it, he or she is doing far more than saying a word of two letters. The entire body, glandular, nervous, and muscular systems, gather itself together into a condition of rejection. The whole body system, in short, sets itself on guard against acceptance. When, to the contrary, a person says “Yes”, none of the withdrawal activities takes place. The body system is in a forward-moving, accepting, open attitude. Hence the more” Yes” we can get, at the very onset, the more likely we are to succeed in capturing the attention of our proposal.

It is a very simple technique, this yes response. And, yet, how much it is neglected. It often seems as if people get a sense of their own importance by antagonizing others at the onset.

Get a student to say “No” at the beginning, or a customer, child, husband, or wife, and it takes all our wisdom, wits, and our creative juices to transform that negative into a Yes.

The use of this “Yes, yes” technique enabled Chan, who was a teller in one of the biggest banks in Malaysia, to secure a prospective customer who might otherwise have been lost.

“This man came in to open an account”, said Chan “and I gave him our usual form to fill out. Some of the questions he answered willingly, but there were others he flatly refused to answer.

“If I had told this prospective depositor that if he refused to give the bank this information, we will have to refuse to accept him. Naturally, the ultimatum like that made me feel good. I had shown who was boss, that the bank’s rules and regulations could not be flouted. But that sort of attitude certainly didn’t give a feeling of wisdom and importance to the man who had walked in to give us his patronage. I resolved this by not talking about what the bank wanted but about what the customer wanted. And above all else, I was determined to get him to say “yes, yes” from the very start. So I agree with him. I told him the information he refused to give was not absolutely necessary.” Chan said.

Chan continued to explain to the customer, “However, suppose you have money in this bank at your death. Wouldn’t you like to have the bank transfer it to your next of kin, who is entitled to it according to law”? “Yes, of course”, the customer replied.

“Don’t you think”, Chan continued, “That it would be a good idea to give us the name of your next of kin so that, in the event of your death, we could carry out your wishes without error or delay?” Again the customer said “yes”. Chan said with a smile.

The customer’s attitude softened and changed when he realized that we weren’t asking for this information for our sake but for his sake. Before leaving the bank, this customer not only gave me the information about himself but he opened at my suggestion, a trust account, naming his mother as the beneficiary for his account and he gladly answered all the questions concerning his mother also.

“I found that by getting him to say “yes, yes” from the onset, he forgot the issue at stake and was happy to do all the things I suggested,” Chan said.

The next time we are tempted to tell someone he or she is wrong, let’s not forget to ask a gentle question, a question that will get the “yes, yes” response.

The Chinese have a proverb pregnant with the age-old “wisdom of the Orient: “he who treads softly goes far.”

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That’s all for now, my friends. See you all in my next article.

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